Today is the first day of break for my University. It is also daylight savings. I woke up at 4 a.m. And couldn’t go back to sleep. I read a book, I tried to do some work, I watch a program. My body has been telling me it is tired and my brain is on overdrive. This is not a good feeling. I do not like it.
I rested, I told myself that I was feeling this way because I got up so early. But in truth, I think that I am sick. I hate admitting this, I have spent mental energy today coming up with all sorts of other reasons for why I do not feel well other than admitting I am sick. I don’t know why that is. I teach my interns that they need to take care of themselves first so they can be good teachers when they are healthy. When my husband isn’t feeling well, I remind him that the world will not end if he misses a rehearsal. When my daughters are ill, I buy them saltines and ginger ale. For some reason, I fight listening to my body when it gives me all the signs. I don’t want to listen to it. I am listening today though. I have not done any work. I have napped and showered and read a book. I am going to work to not feel guilty or lazy – that is not helpful and also is not true. I am remembering that it is important to listen to me sometimes and that is ok.