Listening when I don’t want to 

Today is the first day of break for my University. It is also daylight savings. I woke up at 4 a.m. And couldn’t go back to sleep. I read a book, I tried to do some work, I watch a program. My body has been telling me it is tired and my brain is on overdrive. This is not a good feeling. I do not like it. 

I rested, I told myself that I was feeling this way because I got up so early. But in truth, I think that I am sick. I hate admitting this, I have spent mental energy today coming up with all sorts of other reasons for why I do not feel well other than admitting I am sick. I don’t know why that is. I teach my interns that they need to take care of themselves first so they can be good teachers when they are healthy. When my husband isn’t feeling well,  I remind him that the world will not end if he misses a rehearsal. When my daughters are ill, I buy them saltines and ginger ale. For some reason, I fight listening to my body when it gives me all the signs. I don’t want to listen to it. I am listening today though. I have not done any work. I have napped and showered and read a book. I am going to work to not feel guilty or lazy – that is not helpful and also is not true. I am remembering that it is important to listen to me sometimes and that is ok. 

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5 thoughts on “Listening when I don’t want to 

  1. Really beautiful blog photo and title. I like the repetition in your piece, but want you to know you listening to your body. You got up. You showered. You read. Nothing to strenuous. Sounds like a great day, even though you feel yuck! Thanks for the read and feel better soon!

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  2. I’ve seen it often enough with those around me to know that when busy people get sick, it often seems like the body is saying, “FINE! You won’t rest on your own, so I’m going to FORCE you to rest!” So I try to listen as well.

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  3. So glad it was a weekend for you and you could take the time to do nothing to recharge your body. Hopefully, your non-effort today will translate into feeling better tomorrow.

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